In Memorium: Rollin Hand/Jordan St. John

Hi Everyone.

It's with a heavy heart that I write this post. Beloved erotic author, Rollin Hand/Jordan St. Cloud has passed away. He passed on June-1st to the surprise of the entire author community.

Renee Rose and Celeste Jones were kind enough to put together a little tribute for him. Anyone who wanted to participate could write a blog post and post it in a thread starting in the Spanking Romance group. When I heard about this, I knew I had to participate in it.

I got the honor of meeting Rollin when my publisher, Stormy Night Publications had a retreat for authors back in the summer of 2015. I won't forget the first time I met him. Victoria Rouch, Sue Lyndon, Adaline Raine, and myself were hanging out in the lounge of the Holiday Inn we were staying at. Rollin came strolling in with his luggage, approached us without having met any of us before, and joked, "Is this the erotic authors meeting group?" He didn't miss a beat and was soon introducing himself to us. I'm still not sure how he knew that we were kinky authors. We weren't wearing labels or anything. I guess we'll never know how he knew.

Besides having an apparent sixth sense of knowing who's an erotic author, Rollin was a very kind man. During the retreat, I was extremely nervous. I'm an anxious person to begin with and being at my very first ever kinky event, meeting real life kinky people, I was a basket case of nerves. I remember waking up at like 5:00 AM on the Saturday of the retreat, after only getting like three hours of sleep. After not being able to fall back asleep, I got up and headed down to the breakfast room at 7:00.

I got a little food, sat down, and tried to eat, but wasn't having the best luck. I wasn't expecting to meet any other authors down there that early, but to my utter surprise, Rollin showed up. He got his food and he took a seat next to me. This upped my anxiety even more, at the time I was in my early 20s and he was in his mid 60s, I had no idea what we were going to talk about. There were a few people around, so I was scared that Rollin would start talking about kinky stuff. I didn't want to out myself to a room full of people.

To my surprise, Rollin asked me about my schooling. I was a bit shocked because no one really liked talking about what I was learning at school. But he sat there, eating his breakfast and we chatted about what I was learning. When I felt we had talked enough about me, I asked about his job. He explained what he did, answering all of my questions, not making me feel dumb about asking any. We then discussed his near future plans to retire. He was so excited about getting to stay at home and write.

By the time other authors showed up and joined us, I had shockingly eaten all the food off of my plate, the biggest meal I had eaten during the entire retreat. It was all because of Rollin. He was so kind and talking to him was like talking with an old friend, despite the rather large age difference between us. My nerves fell away for a bit and my appetite returned.

Later during the day, he led a discussion group, answering legal questions when it came to writing. I loved the passion he had while giving the discussion and how he took the time to answer everyone's questions with detail and no judgement of the questions. At the end of his discussion, he offered to answer anyone's legal questions, whenever they came up. That was one offer I took him up on several times.

Thinking over these memories makes me heartbroken that I won't get to see Rollin in person ever again. He truly was a kind, intelligent man and one that is going to be missed incredibly in this author community. But I know that he's up in Heaven looking down at all of us, encouraging us to be the best authors we can be.

Rest In Peace, Rollin Hand/Jordan St. John. You may be gone from this Earth, but your voice will live on forever in your stories. <3