As most of you know, I recently wrote an age play book, Little Samantha's Choice. Since it has been published, a few people have asked me what made me decide to write an age play book and why did I like age play. Well, my liking age play or writing a book, didn't happen overnight. It still is hard for me to accept that this is how my brain is wired and this is what I like. Anyway, I decided to share my story and hopefully someone who also struggles with what they like, finds this and it can make them realize that they aren't alone.
It was two summers ago, the summer of 2013, when I discovered my first age play book. I was at work, putting DVDs in a machine to be cleaned, and I was allowed to have my iTouch out so I could read on my Kindle app. (I know, great job!) Anyway, I was between kindle books, and I was on the website Goodreads looking at one of my friends lists of books to see if I saw something I might like. I was scrolling through, minding my own business, when my eyes fell upon the title, Diapered By The Doctor. I had no clue what it was about, not ever have read an age play book before so I bought it out of curiosity. Later that day, I got home from work and began to read it. I had finished it within two hours and actually physically felt sick. It was a non-consenual age play book. I'm not a fan of non-consenual books at all, but since I found a new genre of books, I wanted to read more to see if there was something else out there.
After two weeks, several kindle book purchases later, and hours spent looking at blogs and stories on the internet, I was ready to never spend time reading a book in this genre again. I had yet to find a consensual story about an age play relationship and each book or blog I read, made me feel even worse. Even though I felt that way, there was something there that kept drawing me back.
Thank gosh it did because that's when I found Korey Mae Johnson's book, Being Their Baby. It was a consensual age play story and I LOVED it! It opened my eyes to how amazing and fulfilling an age play relationship could be. At the same time though, it also had me feeling very ashamed of myself. An age play relationship is not something my age group thinks about. We're suppose to be partying or going to school and studying. Not thinking about letting someone take the choices out of our hands and just letting us play.
For a few weeks after that, I kept telling myself, don't think about age play stuff, don't buy age play kindle books, just check out books from the library. I was hoping that by ignoring every thought and feeling I had about an age play relationship, it would make whatever it was that kept making me come back to it, go away.
Finally, after buying several more age play kindle books (I didn't succeed in staying way), I decided to write my own age play novel. I figured that if I wrote an age play story that that would be the way to "cure" myself of all these thoughts in my head. So, I began my story and finished it by December of 2013.
I never thought to publish my story until one day for fun, I was looking at a few stories that I had read and really liked and saw that they had all been published by Stormy Night Publictions. I decided to go to their website, just to see what else they had published and that's when I saw the submissions link. After reading the submissions page, I thought what the heck, I've always wanted to be an author and here's my chance. So, I submitted my story. Honestly, I never thought that it would get published. I thought, I'm a young person, no one wants to work with young people because most people my age are irresponsible. (It's true.) Also, I thought my story was okay, but not near as good as other Stormy Night authors. (People truly are their own worst critic.) Anyway, I got the email from Jamie Miles with a bunch of revisions and found out that my story was actually going to get published!
During this time, I still hadn't admitted to myself that I liked age play or had even figured out what kept drawing me back to it. I just kept thinking, well I want to give readers a consensual book to read about a loving couple who participates in the age play lifestyle. I avoided the fact that I had no problem skimming through a spanking or sex scene, but if it was an age play scene, I had to read it word for word.
Feeling confused, I turned towards my best friend to hear what she thought about an age play relationship. I told her that I had just stumbled upon this new genre and wanted her opinion on it. I gave her the very light version of what age play is, that version being one person acts younger and the other acts as the little's guardian/parent. The older one would play with the younger one like she/he is a child and that this type of relationship was between a loving adult couple and nothing sexual happened when they were in their roles. My best friend thought a relationship like that was disgusting and people who participated in it should get psychiatric help. Now, hearing my best friend say something like that really didn't help me feel any better about the fact that I was intrigued by that type of relationship.
So, I continued to work on my story, still confused, but not having anyone to talk to about it. Finally, I figured out why I was drawn to age play. It was June and James Johnson, the co-owner of Stormy Nights Publications had sent me the blurb for Little Samantha's Choice. In there, he wrote, "The peaceful surrender that comes with being her daddy’s little girl makes her [Samantha] feel as though every stressful part of her life has been erased." It was one of the moments in my life when I really felt like a light bulb had gone off over my head. I finally realized that what draws me personally in to an age play relationship is the idea that I don't have to worry about anything that I normally do. I don't have to worry about what grade I got on my radiology test (A :-D) or I don't have to worry about going out to buy a new pan from my attempt at cooking a chicken breast, or having to plan dinner and then go out and buy the ingredients and then try to cook it. All a little has to worry about is coloring a pretty picture or making sure they eat all the food off their plate from a meal they didn't have to cook. For me, it was just a relief to figure out that this is why I am drawn to an age play relationship. After months of confusion, I had finally figured it out!
Even though I had figured out why I was drawn to an age play relationship, I still hadn't admitted to myself that I liked them. I just kept telling myself, okay it would be a way to relax, but so is running and I hate doing that. So, just because it would be relaxing to be in this kind of a relationship doesn't meant that I have to like it.
Little Samantha's Choice got published, the last week of July. I was convinced that maybe one hundred people would buy it and at least half of them would return it. I was wrong and was shocked to read the kind words that people left as reviews. People actually liked my story and then it dawned on me that if they liked my story, then they would like an age play relationship too. If other people liked an age play relationship, then I wasn't alone in how I felt...I wasn't the lonely freak. So, after reading a couple of the reviews, I finally admitted to myself that yes, the idea of an age play relationship is very appealing to me...I do like age play. It took me literally a year to finally admit that just to myself.
Now, with that all being said, would I ever be in an age play relationship in real life...maybe...probably not. I know I'm being a pessimist here, but the chances that I find someone my age, who has the same interests as me are slim. Also, it's really easy to write about an age play relationship; for instance, having Samantha call Jackson her Daddy or having Jackson read Samantha picture books, that takes ten seconds to write. But actually doing that stuff, I've never done it before and I'm not sure if I'd be able to. Do I want to...(blushes) yes. Would I have the courage to...probably not. Right now, even whispering to myself in my bedroom all alone, I like an age play relationship, I'm blushing and embarrassed and still kind of feel like this is wrong, I shouldn't like this.
Anyway, besides my ramblings, this whole post is just about showing people that if they like something different, you aren't alone and it's okay if you do. It took me a long time to accept the fact that I'm attracted to the idea of an age play relationship (and I still struggle with being okay with that) because one I felt like a freak and two, I didn't try to talk to anyone who liked the same things I did. All of my friends would be considered "vanilla" which made me feel even more like I was a freak and it made me think, what the hell happened to me when I was growing up that made me want to regress back to a young age. I had an exceptional childhood, where I never got spanked, yet was taught manners and to be respectful of others. I had two loving parents who always provided for every one of my needs and two older sisters who were always there if I needed them.
Now though, after creating an author Facebook page and being able to talk with so many different authors who all have their different kinks, I realize that just because I might like something out of the norm, that doesn't put a stamp on the top of my forehead that reads, FREAK!!! Even if did, I'd be okay with it now because at least I have a heck of a lot of great friends who'd be right there with me with the same stamp on their foreheads. :-)
After reading this, if anyone ever has any questions or just needs to talk, I'd be more than willing to listen. I wished that I had someone there for me who I could have talked to so, I didn't have to deal with all of the negative thoughts that were in my head. Feel free to add me on Facebook and message me, or you can always email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org :-)